Thankfulness leads to Increased Joy

Do you remember how happy you could be when you were a child?  Most adults, on the other hand,  approach joy with some foreboding.  When something good happens, we are waiting for the other shoe to drop.  When we notice our happiness, we sometimes fear losing the source of happiness.  Ah, what we can all learn from children....

How to we learn to fully experience joy again?  Researchers has begun to find some clues.  In one study* three groups were asked to write a few sentences each week on the following topics:  what they were grateful for, daily irritations that displeased them, or events that affected them (no emphasis on positive or negative).  After 10 weeks, those whose assignment was to write about gratitude were more optimistic, felt better about their lives, exercised more, and had fewer visits to the doctor that those who wrote about sources of irritation.  In another study**, participants were asked to write a letter of gratitude to someone they had never thanked for their kindness and deliver it to the person.  Participants who did this reported huge increases in happiness scores.

Making a practice of gratitude can increase your happiness and make you more able to experience joy in your daily life.  And perhaps focusing on the negatives can decrease your ability to experience joy.  After Thanksgiving day, we are all more aware of the practice of thanksgiving.  Why not resolve to make the practice of gratitude a daily or weekly practice in your life.  Consider the following approaches:

1.  Start of list of 1000 things you are grateful for.  Add more to it each day or week.  (see more on this in the book One Thousand Gifts by Anne Voskamp).  Monthly read through what you've written in the past.

2.  Each morning as you're waking yourself up, name 5 things you're thankful for.  Don't forget to include a warm blanket, a comfortable pillow, and running water.  Remembering things we take for granted can help us experience more joy.

3. Write a letter to someone who you are grateful to and mail it.  Consider taking the time to handwrite the letter to make it more personal.  Or look up the person and give them a call.

4.  When a sales person, colleague, or neighbor is efficient and helpful, thank them on the spot.

5.  If you have a spiritual practice such as prayer, consider including thanksgiving more often.

6.  Notice people who you know that are happy and consider if they are practicing gratitude regularly.  Or even ask them?

7.  Start a gratitude board on your wall or your computer.  Add to it when you see it.  Encourage others in your family to do the same.

8.  When you write a Christmas card or birthday greeting to a friend, consider including what you appreciate about them in your note.

9.  Make appreciation part of your relationships.  Make a special time (perhaps at meals) to have everyone in the family share about what they appreciate about one member of the family.  The next day/week, choose someone else.

10.  When you do need to correct or disciple someone, start with what you appreciate or what they did right before explaining what they can do better.  Research on criticism suggest that children should hear 10 positives/praise for every one negative/correction they hear.  So start with 3-5 things they did right before providing correction.  If you're a teacher or manager, see how you can incorporate praise into your feedback.  Here's some ideas on feedback from Brene' Brown:  http://brenebrown.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/DaringGreatly-EngagedFeedback-8x10.pdf
11.  Start a file folder (actually or on your computer) of thank you notes.  When you get one or a letter that talks about how you helped someone, add it to the folder.  When you feel down or just randomly when you're digging through your files, go read through the folder.

*Dr. Robert A. Emmons of the University of California, Davis, and Dr. Michael E. McCullough of the University of Miami, have done much of the research on gratitude.

**Dr. Martin E. P. Seligman, a psychologist at the University of Pennsylvania, tested the impact of various positive psychology interventions on 411 people.

Letter to your Future Self

When you feel good and strong consider writing a letter to yourself that you will read at times you feel vulnerable.  Give yourself advise on how to cope and get better from your strong self to your vulnerable self.  You know best what it feels like to be depressed, anxious, or discouraged.  Here’s some things to include in your letter:

•  Validation or acceptance of your vulnerable self’s feelings.
• What things the strong-you does that make you feel better (exercise, positive thoughts, healthy diet, mindfulness, supportive friends…).
• What helped you leave behind depression or anxiety in the past.
• Affirmations that you need when feeling weak (others care, every day is a new day, you’ve done this before, it will pass, I love you,…).

·      Advise on what to NOT do as you know from experience (drink, isolate, overeat, negative self-talk).

·      Your personal resources and strengths (intelligence, empathy, energy, caring…).

·      Be supportive, compassionate, caring, encouraging, and understanding of your vulnerable self.

·      Say something hopeful (but believable, remember in dark times no one believes euphemisms)

Helpful thoughts?

"As a single footstep will not make a path on the earth, so a single thought will not make a pathway in the mind.  To make a deep physical path, we must  walk again and again.  To make a deep mental path we must think again and again the kind of thought we want to dominate our lives."  D. Thoreau

When you catch yourself saying "I'm not good enough" or "I never do anything right" and any other destructive thought, take note of this unhelpful path in your mind.  Don't be judgmental about this thought, just notice the thoughts that don't help.*  And then start walking down the path you want to make instead.  Tell yourself "I'm doing the best I can" or "I've handled problems before and I can do it again."  Repeat phrases that you want to hear over and over again.  Maybe you even want to write a card to remind yourself of these positive thoughts or put a reminder on your phone or computer to read the thoughts to yourself.  Negative thoughts may have become a habit, but you can make positive thoughts become a stronger habit (or path).  If you work on this every day, within one month you could notice the more positive path becoming a habit (or at least being "louder" than the unhelpful thoughts).  Below are some suggested coping thoughts.  Choose and adapt the ones you like best.  Better still, write your own.

Today is a new day and I can live it fully.
I can be anxious and still deal with ________.
This isn't an emergency.  It's ok to think slowly about what I need to do.
This isn't the worst thing that could happen.
There is no need to push myself.  I can take as small a step forward as I choose.
I can figure out what I need right now.
I have the time to spend on taking care of myself.  I'm important.
I don't need these thoughts.  I can choose different ways of thinking.
I've survived this before and I'll survive this time too.
I can take all the time I need to relax and let go.
I deserve to feel ok (or ______) right now.
I'll just let my body react to this.  I know it will pass.
Don't worry.  Be happy.
I'm special.  I'm loved.
Fighting and resisting isn't going to help.  So I'll just let it pass.
This moment is special and I'm going to enjoy the present now.
I'm doing my best and I'm taking care of myself.


*Unhelpful thoughts were often "intalled" in our brains in childhood and come without us wishing for them.  By resisting them or scolding yourself for them, you may not help yourself.  But by simply noticing and accepting them as something our mind does, you can move past them to more helpful thoughts.

How To Get Back to Sleep

If you sometimes wake up in the night and can't get back to sleep, you're in good company.  Approximate one-third of Americans wake in the night, and about half of those have trouble falling back asleep.  Sleep experts tell us it's normal to wake sometimes during sleep.  If you wake, roll over, and go back to sleep, you don't have a problem.  But if you are awake for 20 minutes (or longer), you  might need some help.*  What can you do when you want to go back to sleep?  Here's a couple ideas:

1.  Body Scan:  Starting at your toes, finger, or head, scan through your whole body, noticing each part and asking it it relax.  Here's a link to a body scan you can use:  http://www.mindfulmomentsinsc.com/files/Exercises/BodyScan.mp3
2. Noticing texture:  Put your hands on two different textures in your bed (e.g. sheet and blanket or skin and cloth).  Notice the difference between your two palms (rough, smooth, cool, warm, soft, hard...).  Then move your hands slightly and notice the difference.  Then be still again and notice the difference. Move one hand to another object with a different texture and notice the difference again.  This exercise helps pull you into the current moment helping you appreciate your bed and perhaps taking away your thoughts from worry or racing thoughts.
3.  Counting your breath:  Count your exhale length and inhale length. (Ideally the exhale should be as long as or longer than the inhale.)  Then add a number to each inhale and exhale making the breath longer and deeper.  Keep adding numbers until your breath is quite deep, perhaps reaching 10.  Don't go so deep that it hurts.  Then make the breath shorter again, going down in length from 10 to 9 to ... to 2 to 1.  Now breathe normally again, enjoying each inhale and exhale.  Or try this meditation:  http://www.mindfulmomentsinsc.com/files/Exercises/ObservingYourBreath.mp3
4. Neuromuscular Relaxation:  Tighten your fist and hold it tight for 10 seconds.  Notice how tight it gets and perhaps even notice how your arm and shoulder feels tense.  Now relax it and notice the difference.  Repeat twice.  Leave arm still as relaxed as you tighten your other fist.  Relax.  Repeat.  Now tighten your foot, or forehead, or upper arm.  Always holding contraction for 10 seconds, then releasing and noticing the difference.  When you move to a new area, keep the other parts of your body still.  Relax your whole body this way until you fall asleep.
5. Going to a relaxing place:  In your mind go to a place that is very relaxing for you (the beach, forest, a special bedroom, with a loved person...).  Describe to yourself all you see there.  Then describe the sounds, touch, taste and smell.  Really go there and relax.  Breath out tension and breathe in peace.
6.  If you've tried these and other ideas and still can't sleep after about 20 minutes get up and do something else.  It might even be good to have a sofa or comfy chair all set up (with an extra blanket and pillow?) before going to bed.  Go and do something relaxing in another room (ideas below).  And if you fall asleep there, allow that.  Or once you feel sleepy go back to your bed.

Staying in bed when you can't sleep and worrying about not being able to sleep is unlikely to lead to sleep (and gets into the habit of not sleeping when in bed).  So get out of bed to do something else to stop the worry and the tension associated with worry.

Ideas of what to do when you get out of bed in the night because you can't sleep:
1.  Drink chamomile tea which is soothing and can make you sleepy.  Avoid caffeinated teas.
2.  Have warm milk or hot chocolate.  Milk has tryptophan which can help you sleep.
3.  Read something boring (textbook?).  Exciting stories can have the opposite effect.
4.  Listen to quiet soothing music.
5.  Pet your dog or cat.
6.  Think about something you like to do that's relaxing.
7.  Watch someone else sleep.
8.  Develop a relaxing ritual to use before you want to sleep.

Everyone has some nights when it's hard to sleep or stay asleep.  If this is just occasional, there's no need to seek further medical assistance.  But if you regularly find you can't sleep more than 2 hours at a time, you probably should consult a sleep doctor to determine what you could do to get more sleep.



*As we grow older, waking in the night becomes more common for lots of reasons like needing to go the the bathroom, pain in joints, and seniors tend to sleep lighter than younger folks.  As long as you're getting enough sleep (7-8 hours in normal), it's ok if part of you sleep is during the day).

Start the Day Well

Do you ever start the day lying in bed and dreading what is to come?  How we get ready for our day can really set the tone for the whole day, and can make each day more enjoyable.  Tomorrow consider starting you day with one or more of these tips:

1.  As you're waking up name 5 things you are grateful for.  Include things you like about your bedroom, body, family, house, job, neighborhood, state, country,....  Try to think up new things each day.  When things you don't like come to mind, notice the distraction and tell yourself you will work out problems later in the day but this moment is for gratitude.  Then go back to being thankful.

2.  Have 2 cups of water when you wake up.  We wake up dehydrated from not drinking all night.  Drinking water first thing in the morning will make you feel better and help your appetite be more appropriate at breakfast.

3.  Plan to pamper yourself at some point during the day.  Choose something you would really like to do that takes only a few minutes and plan to do it sometime time later today.

4.  As you are showering, bathing, and/or dressing do a body scan, noticing what parts of your body feel good and what parts you can't feel or feel a little tense.  Each day notice any differences since our bodies are different every day.  Let the tension wash out into the water and down the drain.  Or let deep breaths take out the tension/pain and breaths in bring in refreshment and new life.

5.  Eat breakfast.  Myriad health problems (such as heart disease) have been found to be less likely if you eat a wholesome breakfast every day.  Include protien and fresh fruits and/or vegatables.  If you're not hungry when you wake up, pack a breakfast to eat when you get to work or school.

6.  Include peppermint in your morning such as a mint tea, mint gum or candy, or an infuser with mint.  According to a study in the N. American Journal of Psychology people who were exposed to mint before driving had more energy.  Wheeling Jesuit University found that peppermint increase alertness and decreases fatigue when driving (Dr. Bryan Raudenbush, PhD).  So pop a stick of peppermint gum in your mouth before driving to work.

7.  Think of something in your life that you are glad happened to you (e.g. meeting your partner or friend, having children, moving to your town, or having a certain skill or job).  Now imagine how your life would have been different if this had not happened.  This exercise can help you appreciate something that you otherwise take for granted and give your an optimistic start to your day.

8.  Do some exercise outside.  Nature sounds and sights boost our mood, and exercise helps in many ways.  So before you climb on the bus or in the car walk for five minutes (or more) in your neighborhood, pull some weeds, pick a flower, or visit with your dog.

9.  Smile!  Smiles brighten our moods even when we're thinking about something we are dreading or when we're worrying.  So include several smiles in your morning routine.  Give yourself a reminder by posting a picture of someone or something that makes you smile near where you brush your teeth or eat breakfast or on the dashboard of your car.

For more ideas see:  http://www.webmd.com/balance/features/morning-mood-boosters

The Aging of America

In 2056, for the first time in US history, the population of people older than 65 will outnumber younger people according to the US Census bureau.  The Census bureau also tells us that baby boomers are living longer than their parents did even though they tend to be less healthy than their parents were at the same age.  Advances in medicine and medical technology are allowing people to live longer, even if they have poor health habits.

What changes will need to happen as a higher percentage of our population is older?  Time will tell.  But mostly likely we'll need to rely on each other more.  Our health care system will need to focus more on staying fit and healthy and less on curing illnesses.  And each of us will need to care for older neighbors, family members, and friends.  Probably a higher percentage of the population will be employed in the elder care and health care fields.  And we may all work well past the age of 60.

As changes come to our society each of us needs to make sure we are ready for the future.  Staying physically, socially, and mentally active will help each of us as our bodies grow older.  No matter what your age now, consider ways that you can become more engaged in your community, keep your body fit, and use your brain more.  Consider adding the following habits to your life:

*At least once a week call or visit a friend.
*Exercise daily, sometimes aerobic, sometimes stretching.  If you don't have time for a whole work-out, add a longer walk to the car when you park at the office or store or take the steps instead of the elevator.
*Look for ways to learn daily.  Make a list of things you want to learn on your computer or in your journal.  Check this list at least once a year to notice what you've learned and pat yourself on the back for keeping an active brain.
*Learn habits that help you relax and feel good.  Include leisure in your weekly and daily routine.
*Consider your next doctor visit as a time to learn about yourself and your health.  After your check-up resolve to try new ideas that you learned from the doctor or nurse to improve your health.  Enlist a friend to encourage you to keep your goal by telling her/him of your new resolution.
*Notice (but don't condemn yourself for) your bad health habits and make small changes to be more healthy.  For example, if you put three spoons of sugar in your tea, try to cut back to 2 spoons over the course of one week.  If you walk one mile slowly, pick up the pace once a week or add a bit of length.  Small changes makes big differences over time.
*Learn about organizations that help others and consider volunteering.
*Talk with your family members and friends about how you want to be cared for when your are older.  Get your will ready and prepare ideas for your family to commemorate your death once you have pass on.

We'll all need to work together as our society ages.  Please add your comments on how we can all prepare in the comments below.

Retire later?

Recent research suggest that those who retire later (after age 62) show lower rates of dementia.  This makes sense since work keeps us physically and mentally active and tends to increase our social interactions.  Being active and social is know to reduce the incidence of dementia.  Does that mean you should plan to retire at 80?  No...(although some do...)

But when you retire plan to keep working, doing the things you like to do.  Volunteer for your favorite organization or community, exercise daily, keep social contacts going, and keep learning.  Past research shows that learning new things is an effective way for seniors to keep their brains healthy.

Not all of us are near retirement, but we can all choose to learn (and keep our brains active).  Most jobs and hobbies offer opportunities for learning, so it's just a matter of making learning a priority.  Learning new areas of expertise at our work makes us a more valuable employee (and better able to find a new job should we need to).   Once study suggests that learning something after doing at least 50 minutes of aerobic exercise that day makes learning last longer and encourages growth of brain cells.

So learn to cook, juggle, play a game,...  Or learn a new language.  Whether you're still working or are retired, you can choose what to learn and what to do that will improve your health.

Note:  Research cited comes from the Alzheimer's Neuroscience conference that took place in Boston, MA from July 13-18, 2013.