Dr. Kelly Turner, author of Radical Remission, discovered that cancer patients who experienced radical remission of cancer had the following factors in common:
1. Radically changing your diet
2. Taking control of your health
3. Following your intuition
4. Using herbs and supplements (under doctor's supervision)
5. Increasing positive emotions
6. Embracing social support
7. Deepening your spiritual connection
8. Having strong reasons for living
Dr. Kelly interviewed numerous cancer survivors and identified more than 75 factors that they used as part of their healing journey. The eight above were listed by nearly all survivors, making them the most significant. (See her book for more information on each factor and her research.)
Whether or not you have cancer, the above factors may be a good way for you to be healthier and happier. Consider writing a list of them and hanging it somewhere you'll see it often (your computer's desktop or screen saver, the bathroom mirror, over the kitchen sink). Then start to notice which areas you need most to work on. And begin to make changes.
For example, #6. In a world increasing dominated by the media, social networking, and technology, some people feel isolated. Family support and friends from younger years often live many miles away. We need to generate our own base of support locally and find ways to reconnect with those who live further away. Finding friends who will support you includes being able to share with people who are safe your struggles, hopes, dreams, problems, and fears. Choose people who won't judge you or solve your problems, but will rather listen to you and support your choices. And be a support system for them as well. Before tragedy strikes you or your family, accept support of friends, be willing to be vulnerable (with safe people), and provide support to those in your community. In so doing you create for yourself a healthier community.
Monday, August 25, 2014
Wednesday, August 13, 2014
Why Did it Happen?
It is normal when something bad happens to wonder why it happened. And why it happened to you in particular. It can be good to analyze the whys. Sometimes through, understanding the whys we come to a greater acceptance of the situation and are able to move on.
But...
and this is a big BUT...
...sometimes there isn't a single why that we can find. Or sometimes even if we understand the why, it doesn't lead to any relief in the feelings (hopelessness, grief, sadness, pain, depression,...).
Most of us believe that if we could just understand what is happening and why, then make changes based on the understand, everything will be better. But that's just not always true. For example, when an accident that hurts or kills someone we love, no amount of understanding/thinking/reconsidering of the event will change that we feel sad (and angry, in pain...). It's normal to go through lots of what-ifs and if-onlys (and it's not wrong to do so), but that process of thinking doesn't make us feel better. When we feel pain and sadness there's a drive to find anything that will make us feel less in pain or sad.* Thinking comes easier than feeling at times like this, and we can sometimes go into over-thinking or ruminating on the same what-ifs and if-onlys incessantly. When ruminating has taken over from thinking, we need to release the need to have logical explanations and move into acceptance of the loss and pain.
"But HOW" you say....
Yes, easier said than done.
It is a daily practice of accepting the now. Accepting does not mean that you are glad this thing happened. Certainly not thinking that you (or anyone) would have chosen this painful now. But accepting it as here now: "I am in pain. I am sad. I can't make it go away, no matter how much thinking I do...." Just noticing, "I'm trying to find an explanation again to make me feel better, but I still feel sad (angry, hurt...)." Paddle past the pain and hurt onto calmer waters of accepting the feeling. Perhaps you wouldn't have chosen to be in this boat. But since you're in it, float, ride, perhaps paddle and move forward.
Try this exercise on releasing thoughts several times each week when ruminating or over-thinking has taken over. And be accepting of yourself as you try it. It takes practice to release obsessive thoughts, so the first time you try it, it will only work part of the time.
Take a deep breath and notice the motion of the breath. Take 5 more deep breaths.
Notice a feeling you find unpleasant.
Notice what body sensations the feeling is causing (tension, hot, restless, lethargic, headache...).
Notice the thought that go with the feeling.
As much as possible observe the thoughts instead of thinking them.
Now accept the feeling. Say to yourself, it makes sense I am _________.
Allow the feeling to express itself.
Say: I'm in pain. I can tolerate this. I don't like it, but it won't kill me.
Continue to accept.
Take several more deep breaths.
On the breath out breathe out pain, tension, and ruminating thoughts.
On the breath in bring in healing, wholeness, acceptance, and (perhaps) peace.
Breathe.
Then notice if you feel any different. Accept the change (or lack of change.)
*Sometimes we go to substances (like alcohol) or other addictions (like computer games) as a way to avoid the pain.
But...
and this is a big BUT...
...sometimes there isn't a single why that we can find. Or sometimes even if we understand the why, it doesn't lead to any relief in the feelings (hopelessness, grief, sadness, pain, depression,...).
Most of us believe that if we could just understand what is happening and why, then make changes based on the understand, everything will be better. But that's just not always true. For example, when an accident that hurts or kills someone we love, no amount of understanding/thinking/reconsidering of the event will change that we feel sad (and angry, in pain...). It's normal to go through lots of what-ifs and if-onlys (and it's not wrong to do so), but that process of thinking doesn't make us feel better. When we feel pain and sadness there's a drive to find anything that will make us feel less in pain or sad.* Thinking comes easier than feeling at times like this, and we can sometimes go into over-thinking or ruminating on the same what-ifs and if-onlys incessantly. When ruminating has taken over from thinking, we need to release the need to have logical explanations and move into acceptance of the loss and pain.
"But HOW" you say....
Yes, easier said than done.
It is a daily practice of accepting the now. Accepting does not mean that you are glad this thing happened. Certainly not thinking that you (or anyone) would have chosen this painful now. But accepting it as here now: "I am in pain. I am sad. I can't make it go away, no matter how much thinking I do...." Just noticing, "I'm trying to find an explanation again to make me feel better, but I still feel sad (angry, hurt...)." Paddle past the pain and hurt onto calmer waters of accepting the feeling. Perhaps you wouldn't have chosen to be in this boat. But since you're in it, float, ride, perhaps paddle and move forward.Try this exercise on releasing thoughts several times each week when ruminating or over-thinking has taken over. And be accepting of yourself as you try it. It takes practice to release obsessive thoughts, so the first time you try it, it will only work part of the time.
Take a deep breath and notice the motion of the breath. Take 5 more deep breaths.
Notice a feeling you find unpleasant.
Notice what body sensations the feeling is causing (tension, hot, restless, lethargic, headache...).
Notice the thought that go with the feeling.
As much as possible observe the thoughts instead of thinking them.
Now accept the feeling. Say to yourself, it makes sense I am _________.
Allow the feeling to express itself.
Say: I'm in pain. I can tolerate this. I don't like it, but it won't kill me.
Continue to accept.
Take several more deep breaths.
On the breath out breathe out pain, tension, and ruminating thoughts.
On the breath in bring in healing, wholeness, acceptance, and (perhaps) peace.
Breathe.
Then notice if you feel any different. Accept the change (or lack of change.)
*Sometimes we go to substances (like alcohol) or other addictions (like computer games) as a way to avoid the pain.
Saturday, June 21, 2014
The Ten Absolutes for Caregivers
Jo Huey, a nurse, wrote these 10 absolutes for caregivers taking care of someone with dementia:
1. Never argue, instead agree.
Caregivers find it hard to stop using reason with their loved one, especially if the person with dementia was an engineer, lawyer, planner or was always very reasonable before dementia. But once the disease starts, no amount of reasoning or logical discussions will convince them that their version of reality is not real. In fact, being reasonable, a skill that works well in most other situations, can actually escalate arguements when talking to someone with dementia. Just like we often can't reason with a toddler, we also can't reason with someone who is now losing skills they learned as a child. (Note that we unlearn things in the same order we learned them before as a child).
Here's a place where Lily Tomlin can help us: "Reality
is the leading cause of stress of those in touch with it."
Allow your care reciever to have their own reality. Let them enjoy it, and don't talk them out of it. Your job as the caregiver is to eliminate conflict and provide saftey and purpose in life when you can. And of course, your job is to take care of yourself. Cut down the arguements, and enjoy the moments that you are given with your loved one.
Consider posting Huey's 10 Abolutes in a place you see daily to remind you.
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
Living Humbly
We live in a culture of sacristy. Thousands of advertisements tell us we need to get something to be happy and fulfilled. Implied is the idea that we do not have enough or that life is is always about getting more. The idea of scarcity and advertisements do help businesses sell products and help companies grow. But does it help people, our culture, or our mental and physical health?
If we believe the notion that we don't have enough, we spend our lives striving to make more money, get a better job or home, find the right friends, .... In other words we focus on the future, improvement, and what we want. There's nothing wrong with improving and changing. But if it becomes our only focus, and we forget to enjoy the present, this culture of scarsity can lead to a life of busy-ness, striving, a life with few margins or room for spontaneity...a life with little gratitude or joy.
If you've noticed yourself rushing, having few times of contentment or gratitude, or constant fatigue, perhaps you need a vacation (or stay-cation) from the culture of scarsity. Take on week (day, hour, year) to be fully in the culture of plenty. Spend time each day being grateful for what you already have, don't go shopping (even on-line shopping), avoid advertisements, use the time you normally shop or watch to do something you really enjoy. Do something spontaneous. Live simply during you stay-cation. Instead of going out to eat, cook from the things in your home. Play a card game instead of watching TV. Call or visit a friend whom you enjoy being with. Have unplanned time each day. End each day making a list of what is plentiful and joyful in you life. Think of simple activities you enjoyed when you were younger and do one. If you have a child or pet allow them to set the agenda for some play time and learn from them how they take pleasure. Kids and pets are great teachers in living in the present.
Stop trying to work things out before their time has come. Accept limitations living one day at day at time. Enjoy each moment. Just be.
“You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their island of opportunities and look toward another land. There is no other land; there is no other life but this.” H. D. Thoreau
If we believe the notion that we don't have enough, we spend our lives striving to make more money, get a better job or home, find the right friends, .... In other words we focus on the future, improvement, and what we want. There's nothing wrong with improving and changing. But if it becomes our only focus, and we forget to enjoy the present, this culture of scarsity can lead to a life of busy-ness, striving, a life with few margins or room for spontaneity...a life with little gratitude or joy.
Stop trying to work things out before their time has come. Accept limitations living one day at day at time. Enjoy each moment. Just be.
“You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their island of opportunities and look toward another land. There is no other land; there is no other life but this.” H. D. Thoreau
Thursday, May 15, 2014
Thank Goodness for Problems!
“It is in the whole process of meeting and solving problems that life has meaning. Problems are the cutting edge that distinguishes between success and failure. Problems call forth our courage and our wisdom; indeed, they create our courage and our wisdom. It is only because of problems that we grow mentally and spiritually. It is through the pain of confronting and resolving problems that we learn.” ― M. Scott Peck
All of us prefer to avoid problems. But when we think back on the important things we learned in life, we realize that most of our strengths today come from handling problems in the past. The challenge is when we face a problem to day we to be able to be grateful for the problem. Unfortunately, we don't know what we're learning as we're tackling the problem, and we may face some uncomfortable feelings. But facing the problem with acceptance instead of avoiding the problem may help us to solve it and grow.
Pain cannot be avoided. But suffering (pain - acceptance) can be avoided. Face your pain. Accept your problems. Take a deep breath and live yourself into the answers to the problems you face. If you're in a dark tunnel at present, and the light at the end is small or even invisible, keep hope alive that there is light at the end. And keep walking until you see it. Hope will walk with you.
All of us prefer to avoid problems. But when we think back on the important things we learned in life, we realize that most of our strengths today come from handling problems in the past. The challenge is when we face a problem to day we to be able to be grateful for the problem. Unfortunately, we don't know what we're learning as we're tackling the problem, and we may face some uncomfortable feelings. But facing the problem with acceptance instead of avoiding the problem may help us to solve it and grow.
Pain cannot be avoided. But suffering (pain - acceptance) can be avoided. Face your pain. Accept your problems. Take a deep breath and live yourself into the answers to the problems you face. If you're in a dark tunnel at present, and the light at the end is small or even invisible, keep hope alive that there is light at the end. And keep walking until you see it. Hope will walk with you.
"Hope, like a stranger, came to my door
I was afraid, I was rude
"What are you coming here for?
Have you come to stay
Or are you just passing through?
I've seen your face
But I do not know you"
And he said, "You know me,
But I've had to remain
Hidden in the shadows
Of your sorrow and pain
For you have lived your life
As a slave, so it seems
Believing your nightmares
Instead of your dreams." Bob Bennett
Saturday, April 19, 2014
Be the Change
Marketers suggest that we can buy a certain item can make us happy. When you go to a doctor you can get a pill to help you solve almost any problem. Insurances promises to make you secure. Advisers promise if you use their services you will become rich, healthy, ... But unfortunately many problems continue even after buying the item, seeing the doctor, or taking the medication. Although it's true insurance, pills, people and things can help us, often it takes an investment of our own time and effort into a problem before it gets better.
"Be the change you want to see in the world" Gandhi said. Instead of hoping for others to solve our problems (or the world's problems) we need to learn to see how we can make a difference for ourselves (and others) now. So next time you have a problem that you thinking shopping, medicine, government, or some expert can fix, consider first what you can do to be the change you want.
Most of us would benefit from getting more exercise. It would help us pay attention, have more energy, be less depressed, decrease the likelihood of getting dementia and heart disease, and if we walked in our own neighborhood we might improve our relationships with neighbors or make new friends. Almost everyone I work with knows that exercise would help them, but few people are willing to make the changes necessary to make exercise a regular part of their lives. Why? The answer is different for everyone but inertia, or the tendency to stay where we are, is often a large part of the reason.
Most of us could eat better. If we ate less that was bad for us (sugar, fatty foods, alcohol, etc.) and more that was good for us (fresh fruits and veggies, homemade items, etc.) our hearts, minds, and bodies would be healthier, have more energy, and if we cooked with friends or family it might even improve our relationships. If we started growing some of our own food, we have the chance to exercise while we're eating better. Again, most people know that they need to improve their diet, but they resist the messages their body is sending regarding foods.
Eating right and exercising take more time than just taking a pill. Many skills or techniques like meditation for example take an investment of time and effort on our part before we can reap the benefits. The benefits often outweigh the effort, but you only notice the benefit after many hours of practice.
“Make the most of yourself....for that is all there is of you.” R. W. Emerson
Quick fixes are attractive because they are so simple. But the key to our health and well being lies in our own hands. We need to decide what is needed to be healthier and happier. So long as we assume someone else (be that a doctor or family member) holds the key to solving a problem we are facing, we can't really make changes. So accept what your are, define what you need to change, and then start the hard working of being the change you want to see in your world.
“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” Carl R. Rogers
Most of us would benefit from getting more exercise. It would help us pay attention, have more energy, be less depressed, decrease the likelihood of getting dementia and heart disease, and if we walked in our own neighborhood we might improve our relationships with neighbors or make new friends. Almost everyone I work with knows that exercise would help them, but few people are willing to make the changes necessary to make exercise a regular part of their lives. Why? The answer is different for everyone but inertia, or the tendency to stay where we are, is often a large part of the reason.
Most of us could eat better. If we ate less that was bad for us (sugar, fatty foods, alcohol, etc.) and more that was good for us (fresh fruits and veggies, homemade items, etc.) our hearts, minds, and bodies would be healthier, have more energy, and if we cooked with friends or family it might even improve our relationships. If we started growing some of our own food, we have the chance to exercise while we're eating better. Again, most people know that they need to improve their diet, but they resist the messages their body is sending regarding foods.
Eating right and exercising take more time than just taking a pill. Many skills or techniques like meditation for example take an investment of time and effort on our part before we can reap the benefits. The benefits often outweigh the effort, but you only notice the benefit after many hours of practice.
“Make the most of yourself....for that is all there is of you.” R. W. Emerson
Quick fixes are attractive because they are so simple. But the key to our health and well being lies in our own hands. We need to decide what is needed to be healthier and happier. So long as we assume someone else (be that a doctor or family member) holds the key to solving a problem we are facing, we can't really make changes. So accept what your are, define what you need to change, and then start the hard working of being the change you want to see in your world.
“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” Carl R. Rogers
Thursday, March 13, 2014
What is FEAR?
What is F E A R to you?
False Evidence Appearing Real
Failure Expected And Received
Forget (or F...) Everything And Run
Frantic Efforts to Appear Recovered (Real)
Feeling Everything's Really Awful
Few Arrive Ever Rejoicing
False Expectations (Egos, Evidence, Emotions, Experiences..) Appearing Real
Feelings Every Alcoholic Rejects
Forever Escaping And Retreating
Fools Every Alcoholic Repeatedly
Forgetting Everything About Reality
Future Events Already Ruined
Forgetting Everything's All Right
Forgetting Everything About Reality
Notice that many of these acronyms have a focus on the future. We are thinking about the future and we become afraid.
Try choosing to be in the present instead. Notice I said choose. Fear will arise. It's unclear if we have the power to stop fear from coming into our bodies and awareness. It's pretty clear that when fear has arrived it will affect our physical bodies, our experience of the present, and our hopes, feelings, and awareness. Fear changes us. So when it arrives.... notice it... and...
CHOOSE to BE in the PRESENT....
Breathe...now...this one moment...notice what fear does to your heart rate, breathing, temperature, thoughts, feelings, hopes, awareness....
Now choose to be present....instead of thinking the thoughts that fear brings on...just be... breathe...notice...be aware....
Take this moment to notice something in the present and fully experience it. Perhaps use beginner's mind to notice some object near you. Afterwards, notice how your fear and your awareness has changed.
There's enough energy right now to handle the present, not all that might come in the future (and has happened in the past). So CHOOSE to stay in the present....
Breathe....
False Evidence Appearing Real
Failure Expected And Received
Forget (or F...) Everything And Run
Frantic Efforts to Appear Recovered (Real)
Feeling Everything's Really Awful
Few Arrive Ever Rejoicing
False Expectations (Egos, Evidence, Emotions, Experiences..) Appearing Real
Feelings Every Alcoholic Rejects
Forever Escaping And Retreating
Fools Every Alcoholic Repeatedly
Forgetting Everything About Reality
Future Events Already Ruined
Forgetting Everything's All Right
Forgetting Everything About Reality
Notice that many of these acronyms have a focus on the future. We are thinking about the future and we become afraid.
Try choosing to be in the present instead. Notice I said choose. Fear will arise. It's unclear if we have the power to stop fear from coming into our bodies and awareness. It's pretty clear that when fear has arrived it will affect our physical bodies, our experience of the present, and our hopes, feelings, and awareness. Fear changes us. So when it arrives.... notice it... and...
CHOOSE to BE in the PRESENT....
Breathe...now...this one moment...notice what fear does to your heart rate, breathing, temperature, thoughts, feelings, hopes, awareness....
Now choose to be present....instead of thinking the thoughts that fear brings on...just be... breathe...notice...be aware....
Take this moment to notice something in the present and fully experience it. Perhaps use beginner's mind to notice some object near you. Afterwards, notice how your fear and your awareness has changed.
There's enough energy right now to handle the present, not all that might come in the future (and has happened in the past). So CHOOSE to stay in the present....
Breathe....
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