How to we learn to fully experience joy again? Researchers has begun to find some clues. In one study* three groups were asked to write a few sentences each week on the following topics: what they were grateful for, daily irritations that displeased them, or events that affected them (no emphasis on positive or negative). After 10 weeks, those whose assignment was to write about gratitude were more optimistic, felt better about their lives, exercised more, and had fewer visits to the doctor that those who wrote about sources of irritation. In another study**, participants were asked to write a letter of gratitude to someone they had never thanked for their kindness and deliver it to the person. Participants who did this reported huge increases in happiness scores.
Making a practice of gratitude can increase your happiness and make you more able to experience joy in your daily life. And perhaps focusing on the negatives can decrease your ability to experience joy. After Thanksgiving day, we are all more aware of the practice of thanksgiving. Why not resolve to make the practice of gratitude a daily or weekly practice in your life. Consider the following approaches:
1. Start of list of 1000 things you are grateful for. Add more to it each day or week. (see more on this in the book One Thousand Gifts by Anne Voskamp). Monthly read through what you've written in the past.
2. Each morning as you're waking yourself up, name 5 things you're thankful for. Don't forget to include a warm blanket, a comfortable pillow, and running water. Remembering things we take for granted can help us experience more joy.
3. Write a letter to someone who you are grateful to and mail it. Consider taking the time to handwrite the letter to make it more personal. Or look up the person and give them a call.
4. When a sales person, colleague, or neighbor is efficient and helpful, thank them on the spot.
5. If you have a spiritual practice such as prayer, consider including thanksgiving more often.
6. Notice people who you know that are happy and consider if they are practicing gratitude regularly. Or even ask them?
7. Start a gratitude board on your wall or your computer. Add to it when you see it. Encourage others in your family to do the same.
8. When you write a Christmas card or birthday greeting to a friend, consider including what you appreciate about them in your note.
9. Make appreciation part of your relationships. Make a special time (perhaps at meals) to have everyone in the family share about what they appreciate about one member of the family. The next day/week, choose someone else.
10. When you do need to correct or disciple someone, start with what you appreciate or what they did right before explaining what they can do better. Research on criticism suggest that children should hear 10 positives/praise for every one negative/correction they hear. So start with 3-5 things they did right before providing correction. If you're a teacher or manager, see how you can incorporate praise into your feedback. Here's some ideas on feedback from Brene' Brown: http://brenebrown.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/DaringGreatly-EngagedFeedback-8x10.pdf
11. Start a file folder (actually or on your computer) of thank you notes. When you get one or a letter that talks about how you helped someone, add it to the folder. When you feel down or just randomly when you're digging through your files, go read through the folder.
11. Start a file folder (actually or on your computer) of thank you notes. When you get one or a letter that talks about how you helped someone, add it to the folder. When you feel down or just randomly when you're digging through your files, go read through the folder.
*Dr. Robert A. Emmons of the University of California, Davis, and Dr. Michael E. McCullough of the University of Miami, have done much of the research on gratitude.
**Dr. Martin E. P. Seligman, a psychologist at the University of Pennsylvania, tested the impact of various positive psychology interventions on 411 people.
