Imprefection

"There's a crack in everything.  That's how the light gets in."  Leonard Cohen.

Culture tends to tell us to get better, to reach higher...and to ignore or hide our faults.  I'm all for reaching higher.  But sometimes the way to get there is through our faults, failure, quirks, or "cracks."  When we are pretending we have it all together, we're expending energy that might be better spent learning from our faults.  When we're hiding our faults or "cracks" we're not reaching for where we want to go.

The next time you get anxious, worried, or feel guilty, try something new.  Think to yourself, this is a chance for me to learn and grow.  What can this feeling teach me about myself and the world?  Guilt can help us get ready to apologize for something we said without thinking.  Facing our anxiety, a little bit at a time, can help us to do things we've always wanted to do.  For example, going to a new group, even though meeting new people make us anxious, can allow us to learn new skills or make new friends.  Dr. Marsha Linehan (pyscholgist and author) ties this acceptance or welcoming of unpleasant emotions to "opposite action" as a way to get over problems we face*.   The idea is to identify the action that an emotion wants us to do and then do the opposite.  For example, depressed feelings tend to make us want to withdraw and/or isolate.  The opposite action would be to exercise or engage.  So using opposite action to decrease depression means engaging or going out when you feel like staying in.  Try using opposite action to grow yourself as follows:

-If you feel depressed and want to stay in bed all day, instead go out for a walk.
-If you feel sad, watch a funny movie.
-If you're attracted to something you would rather avoid, walk away from it.
-If you feel frightened of something you want to learn to do/use, watch others doing it.

The basic idea is to let our "cracks" teach us.  Be open to letting your feelings, no matter how uncomfortable, teach us.

*One clarification, it is also important to allow ourselves to experience our unpleasant emotions.  Opposite action is for times when we've decided we spent too much time depressed or sad or angry.  But before trying opposite action (to get rid of the feelings) it's important to first experience the feeling fully and accept it.

Gloomy Weather

"Never cut a tree down in the wintertime.  Never make a negative decision in a low time. Never make your most important decisions when you are in your worst moods.  Wait.  Be patient.  The storm will pass.  The spring will come."  Robert Schuller

In February it's not unusual to get depressed at continued short days and colder weather.  Sunny days make most of us feel happy, and cold cloudy days can make us feel sad.  What can we do to improve our mood when it rains for days or we're trapped inside due to bad weather?

In February it's helpful to remember that the sun is returning.  Today in Seneca the sunrise was at 7:20am.  On December 1st, 2012 the sun rose at 7:12am.  Today the sun will set at 6:05pm and December 1 it set at 5:15pm.  Today's a considerably longer day.  Make a point of noticing how the days are getting longer.  During your morning routine notice which part is light now that used to be dark.  When the time changed in November, I got up, ate breakfast and left for work in the dark.  Although it's still dark when I wake up, when I eat breakfast and leave for work it's light now.  If you're a sun lover, noticing the lengthening days is a way to inspire hope and remind yourself the sunny times are increasing.

Also, be sure to spend time in the sun each day.  Besides the sun helping our bodies make Vitamin D, there's also research that says many people are happier with more sun exposure (remember you get sun benefits even if it's cloudy).  A walk on a cold day is good for your health and your mood.

If it's raining or snowing and you can't do your usual outdoor activities, try to re-frame your thoughts.  For example, when it rains and I can't go for my usual walk, I remember how the rain is nourishing the plants and helping my garden grow.  When it's snowing, although I find the driving difficult, I remember how much children and families are enjoying playing in the snow.  What's an aspect of the weather you don't like?  How do others rejoice in that very weather?  Does focusing on them help you lighten your mood?

Our thoughts affect our moods.  What we think can lead to pleasant and unpleasant feelings.  The first step towards changing our bad moods is simply noticing thoughts that are bringing us down.  So notice how you think about the weather.  Accept your thoughts and your moods.  Noticing negative thoughts and accepting low moods is already a excellent beginning and helps us to manage low moods.  Then, when you are ready, try some different (more hope inspiring) thoughts.

Another way to change your thoughts is to focus on the present moment.  Instead of letting negative thoughts take over when you're driving in the rain or snow, notice the sound of the rain drops moment to moment.  Or notice how the light changes as you drive along.  Instead of looking out the window and having gloomy thoughts about weather out there, pick one object you see outside and fully describe it to yourself.  Enjoy each detail of that object and then move on to something else happening only in this moment.  Become aware of this moment.  Appreciate now.  This moment will never be available again.  So take life one minute at a time......   And remember....

Spring is coming.....

"Life stands before me like an eternal spring with new and brilliant clothes."
Carl Friedrich Gauss