Not So Happy Holidays

 When many people are enjoying celebrations with friends and family, people who lost a loved one recently may be dreading facing holiday traditions, family gatherings, music, and memories.  Sadness, loneliness, anger, preoccupation, envy, and yearning don’t seem to fit the holiday mood and can crop up at a moment’s notice.  What can you do to make survive this "happy" season?

     First, consider what’s most important this holiday.  Is it being with family, taking time off, creating a beautiful home, celebrating spiritual beliefs, exchanging gifts, being a peacemaker, or helping others?  Let your top values help you choose which traditions to celebrate this year.  A recent loss gives you permission to make changes in holiday traditions.  Rabbi Dr. Earl Grollman, certified Death educator and counselor, offers the following suggestions of for new traditions after a loss:  ceremoniously place an ornament/decoration that recognizes the loved one’s favorite hobby/interest, ask the youngest family member sit in the loved one’s seat at the holiday dinner, have family members stuff her stocking with written memories of her throughout the season (later read when all are together), share memories of him around a the holiday meal, play her favorite song, look through past photo albums, encourage family to "give him" a donation to his favorite charity, or serve one of her favorite foods for the meal (even if it’s jelly beans or bratwurst). Although one can’t predict how one will react emotionally during the holidays, having a plan and a new tradition can help reduce worry and even create excitement about something new. Just before holiday events, think ahead so there’s a place you can retreat to for privacy and a designated person (ask them ahead of time) to step into your role in case you need some time alone.  For help, call in “anything I can do” favors.  Your friends will welcome a chance to help you decorate, cook, write cards, visit, or shop.   Pay extra attention to self-care:  accept your feelings and let them out, get enough sleep, eat healthy, drink sensibly, and exercise (aerobic exercise improves mood).  Finally, consider doing something for someone else.  Research shows that we often feel better when we help others.

      What if you’re helping someone grieving? Instead of saying “let me know if I can help,”  offer specific help. Consider inviting them to your home for a holiday dinner or offering to help decorate or address cards.  Suggest a visit and ask specifically about how they are doing after their loved one’s death this season.  Be sure to use their loved one’s name (too often after death we stop using the name and this becomes almost a second loss for the griever).  Then be a listener.  Don’t offer advice, instead say things like “that makes sense” or “that must be hard.” Be flexible allowing your friend to decline offers now, but remember to check in later.

     Sadness and tears may be part of this holiday, but happy memories can be as well.  Focus on what is best for you and your loved ones, be spontaneous and flexible, and allow the feelings to flow whatever they may be.  Need extra help with your grief?  Consider joining a grief support group.  Groups are offered throughout the year at GHS Hospice of the Foothills (390 Keowee School Road, Seneca).  Call 864-882-8940 for more information. Or Google a support group on line.  For example, if you lost a child check out Compassionate Friends where others write about how they handle the holidays. If your grief seems to complicate all aspects of you life even months or years later, talk about it and consider making an appointment with a counselor.  

What causes people to be healthier?

Dr. Kelly Turner, author of Radical Remission, discovered that cancer patients who experienced radical remission of cancer had the following factors in common:
1.  Radically changing your diet
2. Taking control of your health
3.  Following your intuition
4.  Using herbs and supplements (under doctor's supervision)
5. Increasing positive emotions
6. Embracing social support
7. Deepening your spiritual connection
8. Having strong reasons for living
Dr. Kelly interviewed numerous cancer survivors and identified more than 75 factors that they used as part of their healing journey.  The eight above were listed by nearly all survivors, making them the most significant.  (See her book for more information on each factor and her research.)

Whether or not you have cancer, the above factors may be a good way for you to be healthier and happier.  Consider writing a list of them and hanging it somewhere you'll see it often (your computer's desktop or screen saver, the bathroom mirror, over the kitchen sink).  Then start to notice which areas you need most to work on.  And begin to make changes.

For example, #6.  In a world increasing dominated by the media, social networking, and technology, some people feel isolated.  Family support and friends from younger years often live many miles away. We need to generate our own base of support locally and find ways to reconnect with those who live further away.  Finding friends who will support you includes being able to share with people who are safe your struggles, hopes, dreams, problems, and fears.  Choose people who won't judge you or solve your problems, but will rather listen to you and support your choices.  And be a support system for them as well.  Before tragedy strikes you or your family, accept support of friends, be willing to be vulnerable (with safe people), and provide support to those in your community.  In so doing you create for yourself a healthier community.

Why Did it Happen?

It is normal when something bad happens to wonder why it happened.  And why it happened to you in particular.  It can be good to analyze the whys.  Sometimes through, understanding the whys we come to a greater acceptance of the situation and are able to move on.

But...

and this is a big BUT...

...sometimes there isn't a single why that we can find.  Or sometimes even if we understand the why, it doesn't lead to any relief in the feelings (hopelessness, grief, sadness, pain, depression,...).

Most of us believe that if we could just understand what is happening and why, then make changes based on the understand, everything will be better.  But that's just not always true.  For example, when an accident that hurts or kills someone we love, no amount of understanding/thinking/reconsidering of the event will change that we feel sad (and angry, in pain...).  It's normal to go through lots of what-ifs and if-onlys (and it's not wrong to do so), but that process of thinking doesn't make us feel better.  When we feel pain and sadness there's a drive to find anything that will make us feel less in pain or sad.*  Thinking comes easier than feeling at times like this, and we can sometimes go into over-thinking or ruminating on the same what-ifs and if-onlys incessantly. When ruminating has taken over from thinking, we need to release the need to have logical explanations and move into acceptance of the loss and pain.

"But HOW" you say....

Yes, easier said than done.

It is a daily practice of accepting the now.  Accepting does not mean that you are glad this thing happened. Certainly not thinking that you (or anyone) would have chosen this painful now.  But accepting it as here now:  "I am in pain.  I am sad.  I can't make it go away, no matter how much thinking I do...."  Just noticing, "I'm trying to find an explanation again to make me feel better, but I still feel sad (angry, hurt...)."  Paddle past the pain and hurt onto calmer waters of accepting the feeling.  Perhaps you wouldn't have chosen to be in this boat.  But since you're in it, float, ride, perhaps paddle and move forward.

Try this exercise on releasing thoughts several times each week when ruminating or over-thinking has taken over.  And be accepting of yourself as you try it.  It takes practice to release obsessive thoughts, so the first time you try it, it will only work part of the time.

Take a deep breath and notice the motion of the breath.  Take 5 more deep breaths.
Notice a feeling you find unpleasant.
Notice what body sensations the feeling is causing (tension, hot, restless, lethargic, headache...).
Notice the thought that go with the feeling.
As much as possible observe the thoughts instead of thinking them.
Now accept the feeling.  Say to yourself, it makes sense I am _________.
Allow the feeling to express itself.
Say:  I'm in pain.  I can tolerate this.  I don't like it, but it won't kill me.
Continue to accept.
Take several more deep breaths.
On the breath out breathe out pain, tension, and ruminating thoughts.
On the breath in bring in healing, wholeness, acceptance, and (perhaps) peace.
Breathe.
Then notice if you feel any different.  Accept the change (or lack of change.)


*Sometimes we go to substances (like alcohol) or other addictions (like computer games) as a way to avoid the pain.

Living Humbly

We live in a culture of sacristy. Thousands of advertisements tell us we need to get something to be happy and fulfilled. Implied is the idea that we do not have enough or that life is is always about getting more. The idea of scarcity and advertisements do help businesses sell products and help companies grow.  But does it help people, our culture, or our mental and physical health?

If we believe the notion that we don't have enough, we spend our lives striving to make more money, get a better job or home, find the right friends, ....   In other words we focus on the future, improvement, and what we want.  There's nothing wrong with improving and changing.  But if it becomes our only focus, and we forget to enjoy the present, this culture of scarsity can lead to a life of busy-ness, striving, a life with few margins or room for spontaneity...a life with little gratitude or joy.

If you've noticed yourself rushing, having few times of contentment or gratitude, or constant fatigue, perhaps you need a vacation (or stay-cation) from the culture of scarsity. Take on week (day, hour, year) to be fully in the culture of plenty.  Spend time each day being grateful for what you already have, don't go shopping (even on-line shopping), avoid advertisements, use the time you normally shop or watch to do something you really enjoy.  Do something spontaneous. Live simply during you stay-cation. Instead of going out to eat, cook from the things in your home. Play a card game instead of watching TV. Call or visit a friend whom you enjoy being with. Have unplanned time each day. End each day making a list of what is plentiful and joyful in you life. Think of simple activities you enjoyed when you were younger and do one.  If you have a child or pet allow them to set the agenda for some play time and learn from them how they take pleasure.  Kids and pets are great teachers in living in the present.

Stop trying to work things out before their time has come. Accept limitations living one day at day at time. Enjoy each moment. Just be.


“You must live in the present, launch yourself on every wave, find your eternity in each moment. Fools stand on their island of opportunities and look toward another land. There is no other land; there is no other life but this.”  H. D. Thoreau

Thankfulness leads to Increased Joy

Do you remember how happy you could be when you were a child?  Most adults, on the other hand,  approach joy with some foreboding.  When something good happens, we are waiting for the other shoe to drop.  When we notice our happiness, we sometimes fear losing the source of happiness.  Ah, what we can all learn from children....

How to we learn to fully experience joy again?  Researchers has begun to find some clues.  In one study* three groups were asked to write a few sentences each week on the following topics:  what they were grateful for, daily irritations that displeased them, or events that affected them (no emphasis on positive or negative).  After 10 weeks, those whose assignment was to write about gratitude were more optimistic, felt better about their lives, exercised more, and had fewer visits to the doctor that those who wrote about sources of irritation.  In another study**, participants were asked to write a letter of gratitude to someone they had never thanked for their kindness and deliver it to the person.  Participants who did this reported huge increases in happiness scores.

Making a practice of gratitude can increase your happiness and make you more able to experience joy in your daily life.  And perhaps focusing on the negatives can decrease your ability to experience joy.  After Thanksgiving day, we are all more aware of the practice of thanksgiving.  Why not resolve to make the practice of gratitude a daily or weekly practice in your life.  Consider the following approaches:

1.  Start of list of 1000 things you are grateful for.  Add more to it each day or week.  (see more on this in the book One Thousand Gifts by Anne Voskamp).  Monthly read through what you've written in the past.

2.  Each morning as you're waking yourself up, name 5 things you're thankful for.  Don't forget to include a warm blanket, a comfortable pillow, and running water.  Remembering things we take for granted can help us experience more joy.

3. Write a letter to someone who you are grateful to and mail it.  Consider taking the time to handwrite the letter to make it more personal.  Or look up the person and give them a call.

4.  When a sales person, colleague, or neighbor is efficient and helpful, thank them on the spot.

5.  If you have a spiritual practice such as prayer, consider including thanksgiving more often.

6.  Notice people who you know that are happy and consider if they are practicing gratitude regularly.  Or even ask them?

7.  Start a gratitude board on your wall or your computer.  Add to it when you see it.  Encourage others in your family to do the same.

8.  When you write a Christmas card or birthday greeting to a friend, consider including what you appreciate about them in your note.

9.  Make appreciation part of your relationships.  Make a special time (perhaps at meals) to have everyone in the family share about what they appreciate about one member of the family.  The next day/week, choose someone else.

10.  When you do need to correct or disciple someone, start with what you appreciate or what they did right before explaining what they can do better.  Research on criticism suggest that children should hear 10 positives/praise for every one negative/correction they hear.  So start with 3-5 things they did right before providing correction.  If you're a teacher or manager, see how you can incorporate praise into your feedback.  Here's some ideas on feedback from Brene' Brown:  http://brenebrown.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/DaringGreatly-EngagedFeedback-8x10.pdf
11.  Start a file folder (actually or on your computer) of thank you notes.  When you get one or a letter that talks about how you helped someone, add it to the folder.  When you feel down or just randomly when you're digging through your files, go read through the folder.

*Dr. Robert A. Emmons of the University of California, Davis, and Dr. Michael E. McCullough of the University of Miami, have done much of the research on gratitude.

**Dr. Martin E. P. Seligman, a psychologist at the University of Pennsylvania, tested the impact of various positive psychology interventions on 411 people.

Start the Day Well

Do you ever start the day lying in bed and dreading what is to come?  How we get ready for our day can really set the tone for the whole day, and can make each day more enjoyable.  Tomorrow consider starting you day with one or more of these tips:

1.  As you're waking up name 5 things you are grateful for.  Include things you like about your bedroom, body, family, house, job, neighborhood, state, country,....  Try to think up new things each day.  When things you don't like come to mind, notice the distraction and tell yourself you will work out problems later in the day but this moment is for gratitude.  Then go back to being thankful.

2.  Have 2 cups of water when you wake up.  We wake up dehydrated from not drinking all night.  Drinking water first thing in the morning will make you feel better and help your appetite be more appropriate at breakfast.

3.  Plan to pamper yourself at some point during the day.  Choose something you would really like to do that takes only a few minutes and plan to do it sometime time later today.

4.  As you are showering, bathing, and/or dressing do a body scan, noticing what parts of your body feel good and what parts you can't feel or feel a little tense.  Each day notice any differences since our bodies are different every day.  Let the tension wash out into the water and down the drain.  Or let deep breaths take out the tension/pain and breaths in bring in refreshment and new life.

5.  Eat breakfast.  Myriad health problems (such as heart disease) have been found to be less likely if you eat a wholesome breakfast every day.  Include protien and fresh fruits and/or vegatables.  If you're not hungry when you wake up, pack a breakfast to eat when you get to work or school.

6.  Include peppermint in your morning such as a mint tea, mint gum or candy, or an infuser with mint.  According to a study in the N. American Journal of Psychology people who were exposed to mint before driving had more energy.  Wheeling Jesuit University found that peppermint increase alertness and decreases fatigue when driving (Dr. Bryan Raudenbush, PhD).  So pop a stick of peppermint gum in your mouth before driving to work.

7.  Think of something in your life that you are glad happened to you (e.g. meeting your partner or friend, having children, moving to your town, or having a certain skill or job).  Now imagine how your life would have been different if this had not happened.  This exercise can help you appreciate something that you otherwise take for granted and give your an optimistic start to your day.

8.  Do some exercise outside.  Nature sounds and sights boost our mood, and exercise helps in many ways.  So before you climb on the bus or in the car walk for five minutes (or more) in your neighborhood, pull some weeds, pick a flower, or visit with your dog.

9.  Smile!  Smiles brighten our moods even when we're thinking about something we are dreading or when we're worrying.  So include several smiles in your morning routine.  Give yourself a reminder by posting a picture of someone or something that makes you smile near where you brush your teeth or eat breakfast or on the dashboard of your car.

For more ideas see:  http://www.webmd.com/balance/features/morning-mood-boosters

Be Calm

CALM

Collect the good

Accept everything

Live fully

Meet your own needs

Collect the good:  When we’re stressed we tend to think about all the bad or hard things that have happened.  Today, instead collect the good that happens.  Be grateful that you have access to indoor plumbing, that there’s some food in your house, that the sun shows through the clouds, that someone smiled, or that your bed feels good.  And make gratitude a habit daily, perhaps remembering to say five things you’re thankful for before getting out of bed, naming what you’re thankful for before or meal or the end of your day, or starting a gratitude list.

Accept everything:  Part of our stress is related to resisting things that happened that we didn’t want to happen.  Although it’s ok to be angered by or dislike how things turned out, fighting against what has already happened (that you can no longer change) only increases your stress.  So accept what happened yesterday, last year, etc.  Accepting does not mean that you approve or like what happened.  Instead you are letting go of the resistance or willfulness that causes tension and stress as you think about the past.  Letting go of the things you can’t change can help you to enjoy life and have hope for your future.

Live Fully:  Take time each day to let go of worries about the future and enjoy what is happening in the present.  For example, observe your breath; run and only feel the sensations; loose yourself in some music; or see and enjoy a beautiful sunset or flower.  Let yourself get lost in what your are doing or feeling and what is around you.   There’s enough trouble in the moment without adding the trouble of past (and future) days or years.  Although you won’t always be able to let go of the past and future, spend some (lots of?) time every day enjoying the now.  If you’re truly living fully, you’ll notice that you loose track of time in these moments and experience joy in simple things.  In sports fully participating is called being “in the zone.” 

Meet your own needs:  Some stress comes from focusing so much on others needs that we neglect our own needs.  People experiencing stress sometimes even forget to eat, sleep, or do things for fun.  No one else but you knows what you need.  So start by taking three deep breaths and naming what you feel and need right now.  Rate your fatigue, hunger, tension, etc. Then choose a time today to take care of one of these needs.  Taking care of yourself is not selfish.  Instead taking care of your needs frees you up to care for others.

Better

"Do the best you can until you know better.  Then when you know better, do better."  Mia Angelou

What an accepting attitude.  We know what we know, and we do what we can do, and we learn what we can learn.  Being more accepting of yourselves day by day and minute by minute takes some of the stress out of life.  Being accepting of pleasant and unpleasant feelings can help us to learn from them.  Being accepting of pleasant and difficult people (or situations) can help us grow.

Try this exercise to be more accepting:

Take several deep breaths and notice the motion of the breath.  Accept however you are breathing and feeling even if it's different from the way your breath was last time you practiced observing.  Just breathe, notice, and accept.

Then notice any thoughts that enter your mind.  Instead of evaluating them, just notice what you're thinking.  Then let the thoughts exit your attention.  Notice any other thoughts.  Accept.  Wait.

Notice any feelings.  What sensations do the feelings cause?  Accept the feeling even if it's unpleasant.

If you notice yourself getting judgmental or distracted, just notice that and accept it.  Breathe.  Accept.  Breathe.

Fulfillment

"People take different roads seeking happiness and fulfillment.  Just because they are not on your road does not mean they are lost."  Dalai Lama

Most of us want to be happy and fulfilled.  We also wish that our loved ones, friends,  and colleagues were happy and fulfilled.   It's important to keep in mind that what makes us happy doesn't necessarily make others happy or fulfilled.  So, it's not our job to tell others how to find happiness.  Sometimes when we do, it causes stress for us and for them.  We are not responsible when others don't feel fulfilled. Although we can take care of them, we can't make anyone else happy.   Letting go of the belief that we can make others happy doesn't mean that we don't care about them.  We are just recognizing everyone's uniqueness, independence, and personal ability to affect their own happiness.  We're recognizing that we can't change others, only ourselves.

Try this exercise (called compassion meditation) to focus on your happiness and to offer love to those you care for:

Sit quietly and comfortably and take a couple deep breaths.  Focus on the present moment and let go of any distractions.  Repeat these words to yourself:  May I be happy.  May I be peaceful.  May I be safe.  May I be loved.  Continue breathing and saying these phrases several times.

Then think of someone you love (perhaps someone you don't believe is feeling happy or fulfilled).  As you think of them, say these words:  May you be happy.  May you be peaceful.  May you be safe.  May you be loved.  Say these words several times as you think of them.  If you like, you can switch to another person and say the words as you think about them.  Feel free to change the wording to be more appropriate to each friend.

Finally, say the phrases again about yourself:  May I be safe.  May I be happy.  May I be peaceful.  May I be loved.

Go out and enjoy your day.  You are loved.

Does Vulnerable = Weakness?

When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown up we would no longer be longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability. To be alive is to be vulnerable. M. L'Engle

According to Mirriam-Webster weakness is defined as "unable to withstand attacking or wounding."  Vulnerablity is defined as "capable of being wounded" and "open to attack or damage."  Dr. Brene' Brown, Ph.D, LMSW defines vulnerability at uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure.  Vulnerability is not synonymous with weakness.  In fact, being vulnerable takes courage and when we see someone with that kind of courage we are impressed.

For example, by choosing to love someone you make yourself vulnerable.  Because you have chosen to love them you are taking a big risk.  They could choose to return your love or not.  They could die or betray us.  Loving someone leaves us exposed.  But does it make us weak?  No! On the contrary, loving someone (and thereby being vulnerable) makes us stronger.  Imagine life without love.  It takes courage to be vulnerable and to love.  And by having that courage, we are able to accept and experience love, connection, acceptance....

B. Brown (who researches shame, vulnerability, and wholeheartedness) claims that vulnerability is the birth place of love, belonging, acceptability, hope, joy, accountability, intimacy, creativity, innovation, gratitude, and curiosity.  Consider the following story she tells:

The managing director of a large German business realized his leadership style was preventing his managers from taking initiative.  Instead of working in private to make a change, he spoke at the company's annual meeting about his own failings.  As he was explaining his personal and organization roles, he admitted he didn't have all the answers and asked his team for help leading the company.  Researchers that followed the transformation that followed the annual meeting said the the company's effectiveness surged, his team flourished, there was an increase in initiative and innovation, and his organization went on to out preform larger competitors.

We are afraid of vulnerabity and sometimes hide behind our fears.  Having the courage to share our vulnerabities with the right person may be the step we need to take to make our lives better.  Choosing to be vulnerable in human relationships usually leads to increased closeness.  Certainly there is the risk of being hurt (which is why choosing the right person to share with is so important).  But choosing not to be vulnerable is perhaps a greater risk still.  It is the risk to live without love, acceptance, creativity, innovation.....

"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done them better.  The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the areana, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and agian, becasue there is not effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotion; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the least knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly...:  Theodore Roosevelt

For more information on the B. Brown's research look up "The Power of Vulnerabity" on TED talks or read her book Daring Greatly.

Work the soil

"To me poor people are like bonsai trees. When you plant the best seed of the tallest tree in a flower-pot, you get a replica of the tallest tree, only inches tall. There is nothing wrong with the seed you planted, only the soil-base that is too inadequate. Poor people are bonsai people. There is nothing wrong in their seeds. Simply, society never gave them the base to grow on. All it needs to get the poor people out of poverty for us to create an enabling environment for them. Once the poor can unleash their energy and creativity, poverty will disappear very quickly."
-Muhammad Yunus

I like gardening.  And how true it is that better soil produces better plants.  I also like working the soil around people.  Sometimes they need better nutrients, but sometimes they just need the soil turned over a bit or a larger pot. 

One of the best ways to feel better yourself is to help someone else.  Research* suggests that there's a strong relationship between volunteering and health (lower motrality rates, greater functional ability, lower rates of depression in later life).  Although it is not clear from the research that it is the volunteering that reduces depression or mortality or increases functionality, experts tend to agree that helping others tends to help the helper.  For example, the helper while volunteering is spending less time focusing on their own problems since they are helping someone else with their unique (and different) problems.  In the study older persons had higher benefits from volunteering, perhaps it gives them a physical activity, a sense of purpose, and social interactions at a time when these are otherwise changing or disappearing.  (Another reason could be that they face a higher incidence of illness as they age.)  The study also suggested that spending more than 100 hours per year was more likely to lead to positive health outcomes.

So get out there an volunteer! There are many agencies that could use your help.  People who volunteer say that the work helps them more than they help those they are asked to serve.  Here's a few agencies to consider (or look up volunteering on your city or county's website):

Big Brother, Big Sister

Meals on Wheels

Free Clinics
Senior Centers
Head Start
Public Libraries

In Seneca/Clemson South Carolina, look up:

Our Daily Rest (lunch served)

Our Daily Bread (homeless shelter)

ReWiGo (repair and ramp building for the poor)

Senior Solutions (inclues Meals on Wheels)

Foothills YMCA 

Oconee Medical Center

Rosa Clark Medical Clinic and Clemson Free Clinic

Clemson Child Development Center

SMURFs

*Corperation for National and Community Service report titled The Health Benefits of Volunteering:  A Review of Recent Research, 2007.  http://www.nationalservice.gov/pdf/07_0506_hbr.pdf

Planning vs. Being

"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us."  Joseph Campbell

Part of what makes us move ahead and be motivated is our goals, plans, and dreams.  Plans are important, but putting too much focus into the plans can make us miss the life we have now.  We can hope one day to be healthy, or have/heal that special relationship, or.....  But look at all the beauty and pleasure we might miss if we only focus on getting there.  Even though we are sick, we can enjoy the taste of a favorite dish, the smile of our grandchild, the rainbow or sunset we happened to see.   Or more simply we can enjoy that we are breathing and our heart is beating and this very moment is alive with sensations and experiences.  If we notice them, they will bring peace and/or joy to our hearts.

So by all means plan and dream.  But in between the times when you're thinking about your plans, remember to enjoy this one moment.  You won't have a chance to experience it again.

Here's an idea to appreciate the present when you wake up in the mornings:

As you wake notice your breath and be grateful for it's rhythm and constant presence.  Notice the motion of the breath in and out.  Enjoy it.  Then notice what else is working well in your body, your heart is beating, you can see, hear, etc.  Feel the bedsheets, pillows and cool air with your hands and face.  Enjoy those sensations.  Be grateful for all the blessing of your body and your bed.  Look around your room and be grateful for all the things you have and enjoy.  Listen to the sounds you hear and be grateful for the clock, cars, neighbors, family....  Take time with each sound to really listen to it and enjoy its beauty.  Use your other senses (smell and taste) to notice your surroundings and be grateful. Do this slowly and focus on as many or as few things/people as you wish. Take time to be grateful for your body, possessions, loved ones, and the world around you one by one. Then when you're ready return your attention to your breath and feel each breath in and out.  Experience the motion, smells and sensations that breathing brings you and enjoy the moment.

Positive psychology research has leaned that gratitude is a trait of people who are more happy than average.  So as you enjoy the moments of your day, be grateful.  May you be happy, may you be peaceful, may you have joy in your moments today.

Love the Questions

"Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer. " 
Rainer Maria Rilke


Learning to love questions instead of just seeking contantly for answers is something we can all grow at.  One way to learn to live with the questions is to pick a question that is currently troubling you or one that has no clear answer.  Then find some time and space to sit quietly.  Begin by focusing on your breath.  After a few calming breaths begin to say the same question to yourself with each breath in.  With each breath out simply wait.  Do this at least 10 times, if not many more.  On the breath out do not expect an "answer" to the question (although some people do find an answer here), rather wait.....for prehaps a physical response (tension?), awareness, feeling, or calmness about the question.  Be open and curious to see what happens.  Wait....wait.

Ok, now I know you are about to go on and click on another post or website.  Stop for just 3 mintues and try this.  See if it might not help you to live the question now.  It may help you some distant day to live along into the answer.