What is FEAR?

What is F E A R to you?

False Evidence Appearing Real
Failure Expected And Received
Forget (or F...) Everything And Run
Frantic Efforts to Appear Recovered (Real)
Feeling Everything's Really Awful
Few Arrive Ever Rejoicing
False Expectations (Egos, Evidence, Emotions, Experiences..) Appearing Real
Feelings Every Alcoholic Rejects
Forever Escaping And Retreating
Fools Every Alcoholic Repeatedly
Forgetting Everything About Reality
Future Events Already Ruined
Forgetting Everything's All Right
Forgetting Everything About Reality

Notice that many of these acronyms have a focus on the future.  We are thinking about the future and we become afraid.  

Try choosing to be in the present instead.  Notice I said choose.  Fear will arise.  It's unclear if we have the power to stop fear from coming into our bodies and awareness.  It's pretty clear that when fear has arrived it will affect our physical bodies, our experience of the present, and our hopes, feelings, and awareness.  Fear changes us.  So when it arrives.... notice it... and...

CHOOSE to BE in the PRESENT....

Breathe...now...this one moment...notice what fear does to your heart rate, breathing, temperature, thoughts, feelings, hopes, awareness....

Now choose to be present....instead of thinking the thoughts that fear brings on...just be... breathe...notice...be aware....

Take this moment to notice something in the present and fully experience it.  Perhaps use beginner's mind to notice some object near you.  Afterwards, notice how your fear and your awareness has changed.

There's enough energy right now to handle the present, not all that might come in the future (and has happened in the past).  So CHOOSE to stay in the present....

Breathe....

Tips for Getting Better Sleep

Here's some tips to sleep better tonight:

1.     Have a bedtime ritual:

a.  Self-care:  teeth, bath, hair, etc.

b.  Relaxation:  warm bath, quiet music, gratitude list, tea,…

2.    Go to bed and get up at the same time every night/morning.

3.    Make a comfortable sleep area:

a.  Mattress less than 10 years old

b.  Consider darkening shades to prevent light

c.  Consider earplugs or white noise machines

d.  Pillows to support lower back and neck

What encourages sleep

1.    Daily exercise (esp. aerobic).

2.    Making relaxation a habit (e.g. meditation, neuromuscular relaxation, yoga, mindfulness, spiritual practices, etc.)

3.    Healthy encouraging relationships.

4.    Processing (vs. ignoring) stress (therapy, talk to friend, worry list, setting smaller goals, decreasing expectations, etc.).

5.    Some foods:  warm milk,* bananas, almonds, cherries (only natural source of melatonin), oatmeal,* small portion of protein (cheese, cottage cheese, meat, hard boiled egg), and some herbal teas.*   (*Remember to avoid high sugar additives.)

Things to Avoid:

1.     Exercise and heavy eating right before bed (esp. high fat meals).

2.     Naps more than 20 minutes in the afternoon.

3.     Looking at electronic screens before bed.

4.     Stress and arguments, especially before bed.

5.     Alcohol, caffeine, sugar, and nicotine within 3-5 hours of bedtime.

6.     Using bed for other things (reading, chatting, working, TV, …)

7.     Suspenseful books, shows, etc. that are hard to stop.

8.     Turning the light on when you get up for the bathroom, kids,…

9.     Staying in bed and worrying that you aren’t sleeping.

10. Distractions (e.g. pets, kids, snoring, neighborhood noise…).

Better

"Do the best you can until you know better.  Then when you know better, do better."  Mia Angelou

What an accepting attitude.  We know what we know, and we do what we can do, and we learn what we can learn.  Being more accepting of yourselves day by day and minute by minute takes some of the stress out of life.  Being accepting of pleasant and unpleasant feelings can help us to learn from them.  Being accepting of pleasant and difficult people (or situations) can help us grow.

Try this exercise to be more accepting:

Take several deep breaths and notice the motion of the breath.  Accept however you are breathing and feeling even if it's different from the way your breath was last time you practiced observing.  Just breathe, notice, and accept.

Then notice any thoughts that enter your mind.  Instead of evaluating them, just notice what you're thinking.  Then let the thoughts exit your attention.  Notice any other thoughts.  Accept.  Wait.

Notice any feelings.  What sensations do the feelings cause?  Accept the feeling even if it's unpleasant.

If you notice yourself getting judgmental or distracted, just notice that and accept it.  Breathe.  Accept.  Breathe.

Fulfillment

"People take different roads seeking happiness and fulfillment.  Just because they are not on your road does not mean they are lost."  Dalai Lama

Most of us want to be happy and fulfilled.  We also wish that our loved ones, friends,  and colleagues were happy and fulfilled.   It's important to keep in mind that what makes us happy doesn't necessarily make others happy or fulfilled.  So, it's not our job to tell others how to find happiness.  Sometimes when we do, it causes stress for us and for them.  We are not responsible when others don't feel fulfilled. Although we can take care of them, we can't make anyone else happy.   Letting go of the belief that we can make others happy doesn't mean that we don't care about them.  We are just recognizing everyone's uniqueness, independence, and personal ability to affect their own happiness.  We're recognizing that we can't change others, only ourselves.

Try this exercise (called compassion meditation) to focus on your happiness and to offer love to those you care for:

Sit quietly and comfortably and take a couple deep breaths.  Focus on the present moment and let go of any distractions.  Repeat these words to yourself:  May I be happy.  May I be peaceful.  May I be safe.  May I be loved.  Continue breathing and saying these phrases several times.

Then think of someone you love (perhaps someone you don't believe is feeling happy or fulfilled).  As you think of them, say these words:  May you be happy.  May you be peaceful.  May you be safe.  May you be loved.  Say these words several times as you think of them.  If you like, you can switch to another person and say the words as you think about them.  Feel free to change the wording to be more appropriate to each friend.

Finally, say the phrases again about yourself:  May I be safe.  May I be happy.  May I be peaceful.  May I be loved.

Go out and enjoy your day.  You are loved.

Resolutions

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."  Dr. Seuss

In January we tend to make resolutions.  And it's a good habit for many because it encourages us to be healthier, happier, more motivated, more organized .... you name it.   So I encourage you to make a resolution today.  But keep in mind as you do that New Year's resolutions tend to be focused on both the past and the future.  You think about what you didn't like in the past and/or what you want in the future.  Although focus on the past and present is not harmful, it does tend to keep us from appreciating the present moment.  For example, thinking about how I want to be fitter, might cause me to not notice what's beautiful about me right now.  Or thinking about how I want to be a more loving friend (or parent or caregiver),  might lead me to repeat negative thoughts about myself that I'm actually trying to unlearn.  And if I start to feel guilty about how I didn't keep my resolution, I many create even more negative thoughts often followed by unpleasant emotions.  All this can lead us to miss out on a beautiful scene out the window, the smile of a friend, or the comfortable chair/room/house we're in (not to mention missing hitting the resolution).

So by all means make a resolution (or two?), but consider making a now-focused (or mindful) resolution this year that helps you stay focused on the present moment with awareness.  Here's a few ideas:

-See something beautiful you haven't noticed before today.

-Spend time each week (or day?) being totally present with a loved one.

-Find a new mundane task each week (month?) to start doing mindfully.

-Take time to notice the sounds, smells, sights, and textues when you eat something.

-Take six deep breaths before starting a difficult task (or getting together with a difficult person).

-Notice the sensations when eating, washing dishes, showering, walking....

-Sit still for 3 minutes when you get to (or off) work to just appreciate the now.

-Take at least 10 breaths each day mindfully.

-Stretch (or exercise) and really notice what happens when you stretch.

-Smile or laugh more and enjoy doing it.

-Smile at least part the day each day when you're at work.

-Read something just for pleasure each week (day?) and enjoy the time as you're reading.

-Start list of things you're grateful for and add to it each day (week?).

-Be grateful when doing chores (e.g. thankful for the garbage collectors who will take away this trash or for the plumbing that works).

“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.”
― Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi

Love the Questions

"Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer. " 
Rainer Maria Rilke


Learning to love questions instead of just seeking contantly for answers is something we can all grow at.  One way to learn to live with the questions is to pick a question that is currently troubling you or one that has no clear answer.  Then find some time and space to sit quietly.  Begin by focusing on your breath.  After a few calming breaths begin to say the same question to yourself with each breath in.  With each breath out simply wait.  Do this at least 10 times, if not many more.  On the breath out do not expect an "answer" to the question (although some people do find an answer here), rather wait.....for prehaps a physical response (tension?), awareness, feeling, or calmness about the question.  Be open and curious to see what happens.  Wait....wait.

Ok, now I know you are about to go on and click on another post or website.  Stop for just 3 mintues and try this.  See if it might not help you to live the question now.  It may help you some distant day to live along into the answer.